iShine Updates

• THE “TREAT A GIRL LIKE A LADY” CONVERSATION:  I believe that every mom should teach their boys that young ladies are God’s creation, God’s daughters and deserve to be treated like royalty.  Mom’s should teach their sons to open doors, say “yes ma’am” and “no ma’am”, allow ladies to choose first, say what can I do for you today, how can I pray for you today, and the list goes on…  Typically dads are encouraged to have this conversation, I just think it carries so much more weight when a mom takes the time to teach her son how to treat her and other ladies.

• THE “HARNESS YOUR POWER” CONVERSATION:  I have overheard Jodie talking to our older son and encouraging him to harness his power.  Cole can become too rough when it comes to playing with his brother and sister, so it is important that he is taught to honor and respect his brother and sister by harnessing his power when playing with them.

• THE “BE A BOY – NOT A MAN” CONVERSATION:  Our youngest son, Tifton Jackhammer, is only 10 years old and he is growing up way too fast!!  Tifton is starting to play grown up video games, watch grown up movies, listen to grown up music and he is starting to think grown up thoughts.  However, one day last week I loved watching him sit in his room and play with legos for several hours.  After watching him play like a little kid, I was convinced that moms need to teach their boys to be little boys…for a long, long time.  Your sons will eventually have to deal with rejection, not getting picked for the sports team, not having a girl friend and seeing pornographic images at a friends house, but for now…let’s keep the little boy in your little boy!!

• THE “GODLY MEN ARE IN SHORT SUPPLY” CONVERSATION:  If you look around the world we live in, you will see men making a mass exodus from church, Godliness and holiness.  I hate it, but Godly and spiritual men are becoming a rarity!  Today you see more and more women leading family devotions, volunteering at church and fighting for the purity in their son’s lives.  Due to this alarming exodus, I think that moms must teach their sons to start laying a foundation of spiritual leadership in their lives today!

• THE “LET’S PRAY FOR YOUR MATE” CONVERSATION:  Yeah, yeah, yeah…I don’t want my kiddos to start thinking about this either!!  The truth is that it will be here before you know it, and there is no better person than mom to start having this conversation.  I believe all moms should teach their sons what kind of mate they should be looking for.  I also believe that if mom’s start praying this prayer with their sons at a young age…they will earn the right to speak into this in the future.

Which 1 of theses conversations do you need to have with your son?

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I don’t remember who told me about this, BUT one of the most useful bits of advice I got upon becoming a single parent was this.

 Find things that you don’t enjoy doing, hate doing, or are just a nuisance, and make them the consequences for our kids disobedience.

 What do I mean by this?… It means that if there are certain chores around the house that you don’t enjoy doing,  (for me it’s folding the laundry and putting the laundry away), make and keep a list of those things and delegate those as consequences to give out to our kids.

Often I find myself trying to think of consequences to give my kids when they disobey: some choose spanking, some give timeout … but for me, I figure why not turn it into a useful, constructive part of everyday life that contributes to ease my workload.

So instead of spanking, or timeout– I assign my least favorite  chores whenever, and to whoever, deserves a consequence. For me it’s folding and putting away the laundry. For you maybe it’s cleaning the baseboards around the house or toilets…. Whatever it might be…  If you are a single parent like me, or for that matter any parent… I know there are things around your house the you hate to have to do.

So, my suggestion for today, is find those things that are your least favorite chores around the house, make a list of them, and refer back to them when it’s time to dole out consequences. It  serves 2 purposes

1. It gets your least favorite things done around the house

2. It provides a consequence for  disobedience

What are some things that would be on your list of least favorite chores?

If you found this helpful – check out these You as the center of the universe and How to manage your weekends.

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I had posted this awhile ago on a different blog but I wanted to share again because the idea of second chances or starting again is one we all have to get our heads around – especially as SoloParents.

One of the most profound lessons I have learned is this.

It was late September 11 and EARLY morning of September 12, 2002. A night I am not proud of, but one I hope to never forget.

Some very dear friends and I spontaneously decided to celebrate one of our friend’s birthdays further into the evening than we had originally planned. We had met for drinks at about 5pm and at about 8pm we called for a limo to see us thru the rest of the night. (back story – I was President of one of the fastest growing Christian record companies at the time – very driven – very self absorbed ) So we partied into the night finally getting back to the place we left our cars around 2 am.

By this time I was drunk. Real drunk. Not becoming of a Christian music executive. Like I said- not proud of this.

Anyway, for some reason I, and another friend of mine ,(also drunk), thought it would be a funny gag to go key (scratch up) another prominent Christian artist’s promo van. (this artist was also a friend, but the label he was on was, in my eye’s, was a competitor)

So we did.

What we didn’t know was the whole thing was being video taped.

Fast forward to when I sobered up, when I had to sit with my ‘competitor’ and admit what I had done, when I realized that I could lose it all (from a career standpoint) that the most amazing thing happened.

I was given Grace.

The very person that could have destroyed my reputation, my lively hood,  my career looked in my eyes and said.” I forgive you.” he went on, “In fact, if anyone at this company mentions what happened and I hear about it I will fire them.” then he prayed with me and gave me his Bible.

This stunned me. It went against all my drive and ‘ambitional’ instincts… It was not understandable.

Im taking awhile to get to the point, but context is so important.

You see, I deserved to be brought down form glory. Humiliated. Punished… but what I got instead was Mercy, Grace, Love … a gift.

The gift of a welcoming arm and a brotherly embrace… Much like the prodigal received from his father after being off to his own destruction… Its a heavy load… Hard to grasp…Hard to accept.

I was having coffee with a very wise man shortly after all this happened and he said something to me that I will never , ever forget.. He said,

“even though it is hard to get your head around this kind of grace, and even though its hard to bring your self to do it, sometimes the prodigal just needs to dance…

Dance at the party being thrown in his honor.

Dance even though he should be banished.

Dance because we must celebrate our fathers love for us”.

At some point the prodigal son had to let the past go… embrace the celebration… as shameful as he must have felt…He must have struggled with the idea but ultimately surely he danced at the party his father was throwing for him. The idea of not dancing at our own party, a party thrown for us seems rude and ungrateful. (those of you that know me know I’m not a dancer to begin with:) )

What I learned from these Godly men was,

First, there are Godly men…

Second, once grace has been extended we cant live as if it has not…

We must accept that “by grace we have been saved” and live in a humble spirit of celebration… the son or daughter that once was lost has come home.

He says that you are worth celebrating.

Have you been given grace… are you celebrating it or are you still holding on to what he has completely lost memory of?

Well stop, surrender and be excited… we all have been given a pardon… more than we deserve… Lest any man should boast.

Let’s live life as the celebration that it is.

What are you holding onto that prevents you from dancing and celebrating in His grace?

If you found this helpful – check out these Being Selfish as a way of serving and The most important Step

So I get a lot of questions from friends, fellow parents and observers… how do you bring up “the conversation” with your kids about… you know “THE TALK“? I pause usually for a few seconds and consider carefully before I reply. Not sure what you mean…. “the talk”? Usually they reply somewhat sheepishly, you know… about Sex.

Oh… “that ” talk.

Well… that depends. What age are they, what gender, what is their personality type and how mature are they? Critical details that need to be considered before responding. So here’s my best advice based on my own failed attempts and ill – timed, well-intentioned parental excursions into this sacred and yet incredibly intimidating rite of passage.

Couple of my own guidelines to consider when it’s time for “the talk”…

1 – Under the age of ten, consider keeping any discussion intentionally vague and non-specific.

2- Pre-teens are curious, but easily embarrassed. Extra so if they are discussing this with a parent. If you didn’t bring it up… it would be wise to carefully inquire as to “why” they are. Often it may involve something they have heard at school, on the bus or from a friend. Don’t blow it off. Be alert and cautious as to their level of maturity and innocence. Some parents jump all the way into the deep end of the pool here and discuss anything and everything. I would be hesitant to do that with young girls and boys under the age of 12.

3- For 12-13 year olds, prayerfully consider the setting and time/place to ask your children if they have any questions about growing up. Be able to devote some time and attention to them without distraction or embarrassment. Be prepared to answer awkward questions about your own teen and young adult years, and respond with honesty and a PG-13 level of detail.

4- Use an example to illustrate the key point you want them to remember. I use the classic CS Lewis analogy from the “Four Loves”… of Fire. Describing the attributes of fire and then comparing them to sex is a very cool way to help a pre-teen or teen grasp the inherent truth of what you’re saying without graphic and lurid details. Fire is beautiful, it is essential to life, to comfort us and for our living… but it is only good in an environment that is safe. Fire outside of a fireplace or stove top can destroy and burn or kill. It can’t be controlled once let loose, and outside of those situations, much like sex it is a disaster in the making…. you can take it from there.

5- Keep the discussion door open for the future. You don’t have to cover the entire discussion in one setting. Be sure to back off if they are processing and quiet, and let them know your available anytime to resume or expand on this conversation. If they don’t take you up on that offer in a few days or weeks, then you might want to re-start the conversation in time.

The bottom line is this… if you avoid this topic, if you shy away from or gloss over the content as a parent, someone or something else will fill in the blanks for your kids. Someone who most likely has a different viewpoint, value system and moral code than you. Doing nothing is choosing to let someone else have the ‘talk” with your kids. Take courage and step up.

If you’re a single parent trying to talk with a child of the opposite gender, you may want to avoid the details and hit the high points, deferring instead to a trusted Christian friend of the same gender as your child  to help explain the more gender specific issues of sexuality and adolescence.

I’m pretty comfortable talking with people about any subject, but when it comes to my own kids and sex… not so much. Especially with two teen daughters, it scares me to death. When I think of how badly I blew it as a teen and young man… i really can feel overwhelmed, guilty…like a hypocrite etc… but trust me, you must. Go ahead and own what you need to with your teens and share edited versions from your own personal pain and regrets as to the validity of our biblical beliefs of waiting until marriage to experience sex.

Be careful with the tone in how you communicate your views as parents. In your fear for their purity, you may un-intentionally make this a hard core, very negative - “thou shalt not” talk… (as a dad, that’s definitely what I do when I’m afraid for my kids) Take a deep breath, let it out slowly… and then maybe another and prayerfully ask for God to help you as you dive into one of the most important topics we as parents will ever consider with our kids.

Be approachable and fight the urge to over simplify this talk. Sex isn’t dirty or wrong or evil, it’s just very complicated and when you engage the heart and body before the safety of a martial vow, hearts get broken and lives maimed. God knows what he’s doing, His directive to not defile the marriage bed is very timely for our culture and our children to grasp, process and respect. It’s important to let them know their feelings and curiosity is normal, healthy and nothing to be ashamed of. It’s in the discussion that they gain the freedom to share and exchange ideas, if you just “shut them down” and discourage any conversation… you will risk the likelihood of your kids figuring things out on their own, without the benefit of your adult perspective. Not recommended.

Remember your kids are getting an average of 70+ hours a week of media ingestion… at least a third of that has sexual innuendo, images or outright open encouragement to experience sex before marital covenant. That’s a lot of mixed messages hitting their brains and hearts, combining that with hormones, peer pressure and insecurity and you have a huge recipe for disaster.

The good news… you can influence your children more than any other voice in their lives… even ones as enticing as Beyonce’s or Sports Illustrated or MTV.

RTP invites you to respond.  Readers and fellow parents, we all can use some help with this area of raising our kids. Feel free to share and respond.  Peace out,

brad…

If topic this was helpful or of interest; consider these other posts regarding love, sexuality and parenting -

 Today’s (2-20-12)  relevant.com post is very timely – The Secret Sexual revolution – http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationship/features/28337-the-secret-sexual-revolution

 Learning about Love –  http://wp.me/p1jVqv-ey 

Reclaiming Romantic Love – http://wp.me/p1jVqv-hO

Bisexuality is hip – http://wp.me/p1jVqv-4R

Tagged: brad mathias, Christian parenting, faith and family, roadtrip parenting, sex and media, single parents, talking with kids about sex

• THE “YOU ARE NOT WHAT THEY SAY YOU ARE” CONVERSATION:  Our kids are growing up in a brutal world of bullies, meanies and stupid butt heads!  Last week my daughter had a couple of bullies gang up on her and tell her that she was ugly!  What did dad do?  I grabbed my bat and headed up to the school to take care of business.  Not really, but I definitely wanted to open up a can!  Instead, mom and I sat down with her and repeatedly told her that she IS NOT what people say about her, but SHE IS what Jesus says about her.

• THE “BEAUTY OF A WOMAN IS NOT IN THE CLOTHES SHE WEARS OR THE CURVES OF HER FIGURE” CONVERSATION:  Take a stroll through the grocery check out counter and you will see how our world measures beauty.  The girls with the largest boobies, hour glass figures and air brushed faces are considered to be the real “10′s” of the world.  Men, your daughters need you to teach them that  true beauty should not be measured by WHO WE ARE but by WHOSE WE ARE.  That’s right, our daughters must be taught to accept the fact that they are beautiful NOT  because of what they see in the mirror (or don’t see in the mirror) but because they have been created in the image of true beauty.  Psalm 139:14-18

• THE “GIVE YOURSELF TO GOD NOT A HAIRY LEGGED BOY” CONVERSATION:  The rate at which girls are loosing their innocence is growing at an alarming rate.  Girls are rounding second base and heading towards third as early as elementary school and young ladies are “sexting” and sending top shots of themselves thinking this will land them the boyfriend they have been dreaming of.  Dads, we must teach our daughters that there is only 1 person that deserves our entire being and that is the Heavenly Father himself.

• THE “DON’T BE AFRAID TO TALK TO ME” CONVERSATION:  If your home is anything like mine, there are just some things that my daughter does not want to discuss with dad.  And honestly, there are just some things that I don’t want her discussing with dad…like wings and strings conversations, I just don’t bring much to the table on that kind of stuff.  However, I think it is important that every father take the time to ensure his daughter that he is always available and ready to listen to anything and everything that she has to say.  Again, I don’t think it’s a good idea that dad tries to step into the mom role, but it is important that she know that he is always ready to listen without judgement.

• THE “I LOVE YOU” CONVERSATION:  Dads, your daughter just needs to hear you say “I LOVE YOU” and you had better say it over, and over, and over, and over again!!  If you don’t, she’ll find another man to tell her.

What is 1 conversation you need to have with your daughter?

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• Dancing with the stars, here comes Team Sprad
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• THE “ABSOLUTE TRUTH” CONVERSATION:  53% of evangelicals deny the fact that there is an absolute truth.  Why?  Because of all the mixed and politically correct messages that are bombarding the air waves.  If more than half of adult evangelicals are confused on absolute truth, their kids don’t have a fighting chance.  Therefore, I think it is important that parents take the time to deposit absolute truth into their kids and set them straight.  “If the family is to survive in America, society must begin to recognize that a Biblically defined family, as laid out in God’s Word, works best. And, for good reason: This is an absolute truth. A father, a mother and their children form the best family structure for building the future. While some have no choice but to face widowhood, divorce or out-of-wedlock pregnancy, the Biblical model of two parents re-mains the unchallenged best approach to successful families and child rearing. (And who knows this better than the single parent with the tough job of raising children alone?)”  source…Concerned Women of America.  Parents, don’t think for a second that your kids will automatically believe this because you do.  In the world we live in today, you must take the time to teach this to them.

• THE “HOW TO HAVE SEX” CONVERSATION:  Notice that I didn’t say every dad needs to have the “sex talk”!  I think that dads should have that talk, but I also believe every dad should talk their boys through how to actually have sex…in detail.  I have a buddy that was the king when it came to having the “sex talk”, but I guess he never really talked through the “how” of having sex.  One day he found porn videos in their internet history, he confronted his son and his son’s response was “I just wanted to see how you actually have sex.”  So I encourage all dad’s to step into the pain and when they are ready (not 6 years old), talk them through the details of “how” to have sex.  The urges, hard on’s, foreplay, orgasm and cum.  I know some of you are second guessing this point, but do you really want their friend at school, a porn video and some girl teaching them this stuff?

• THE “MOM MATTERS” CONVERSATION:  Last year I overheard my son griping, complaining, arguing and raising his voice at his mother.  I immediately stopped what I was doing and my sermon went a little something like this…  “Do you know that this lady right here is my wife!  Do you know that I married her 17 years ago and I will never let any person on the face of this earth treat her like this or talk to her like this!!  Young man, if you have a problem with her, you got a problem with me.  If I ever hear you talk to her like this again, you WILL feel the wrath of her husband!!”  I believe that every dad needs to teach his son that MOM MATTERS!

• THE “I GOT YOUR BACK” CONVERSATION:  Every son needs to know that dad is there for them.  Your boys need to know that when they screw it up, fail, struggle in school, go through a nasty break up, or their friends desert them…that you’ve got their back!  Your son needs to know that there is absolutely nothing in this world that will separate you from them and that there is nothing they can do that will make you love them any less!  I believe this is something that dad’s need to remind their sons of daily.

• THE “I SCREWED IT UP” CONVERSATION:  My boys love to hear about all the mistakes I made when I was their age.  I understand this can be a “tight rope” conversation and you must use wisdom and discretion.  My approach, which many of you may disagree with, is I would rather tell them too much instead of too little.  I have told my kids about when I first kissed a girl and that I was too young!  I have told my kids about the first time I drank and how destructive it was for me.  I have told my kids about times that I lied to my parents and how dishonoring it was.  I have told my kids about the first time I unzipped a girls pants and…just kidding!  The key word is discretion!  I just think it’s important that were honest to a point so that our kids can learn from some of our mistakes.

What is 1 conversation that you need to have with your kids?

If you liked this post, you should also check out…

• 5 lessons every dad should teach his son about lust
• The boys and mom’s lingerie 
• How to have the sex talk with High School kids
• How to have the sex talk with Jr. High kids
• How to have the sex talk with older Elementary kids
• How to have the sex talk with kids in Pre-K to early Elementary

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I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine last night and he said something brilliant in passing… (which happens most times I get to spend time with him)

We were talking about parenting, disciplining and overall, raising  kids. (but I believe this applies to any kind of relationship)

Now, I had just had a run in with one of my girls and I was discussing how things really change the older they get. His brief but poignant response was simple but profoundly helpful to me…

“yeah, sometimes parenting is not intuitive”

…it really struck me as something that I had been uncovering, but had not yet defined or articulated quite as well…

Sometimes parenting goes against our gut, or against what we feel.

Parenting doesn’t always come naturally, because we want to be sympathetic leaders, sympathetic to what we see and hear from our kids…. but here’s the rub…The older kids get the more they learn our ‘buttons’…the more they learn the art of negotiation and the skills of deflecting. If we are are to go along with our feelings and not defined boundaries we are doing our kids a great disservice.

No must mean no… Don’t lie must mean don’t deceive… whether spoken or implied.

Grey is an unstable state of being when we don’t hold to fast to black or white.

Kids need boundaries…Relationships need boundaries… and if we don’t clearly define and stick to them, the foundation we are trying to set cannot be stable or safe.

So when empathy or sympathy creep in because we are caused to second guess our ‘lines in the sand’ step back… get beyond feeling and enforce what we know and trust rather than the emotion we are in. (a subtext to all this is this…Create moments of clarity and quiet, then define those absolute boundaries so that we can recall what we know to be right)

Relationships will not grow if we just go by how we feel in the moment… We all want to count on something… To know there are absolutes. If all we do is get tossed by feelings we are not being good to one another. We are not building a foundation of trust. We are not being good parents.

Do you struggle with this as much as I do?

Today’s post is from my good friend Allyson Evans.  Allyson is the NextGen leader at LifeChurch.tv and is a wealth of wisdom when it comes to effective parenting and ministry to the up and coming generation.  I had the awesome opportunity of working with Allyson over the past few years and she is the real deal.  I think what I love most about Ally is her honest, raw, tell it like it is approach.

If you would like to connect with Ally, you can run her down on Facebook and Twitter.

Thanks so much for posting today Ally, it’s a true honor!

So here she is…

I was an awesome teenager! I mean, I had a ton of fun, great friends, made some mistakes and had a lot of victories. I was the friend that everyone turned to and I could make you laugh if you were down. I rocked at that. So surely, my daughters will still want to hang out with me when they hit their teenaged years because, let’s be honest, I’m still cool!  I’d heard of these other parents who weren’t cool and didn’t know what was up. I felt kind of sorry for them. Poor things. Because for me, my kids were always going to love spending time with me and will tell me everything because that’s how it’s always been. I’m the fun mom! Right?

Surprisingly, no! Something happened. Somewhere along the way, I stopped getting all the information. The question, “So how was your day?” that used to elicit all sorts of amazing stories of crazy substitute teachers, middle school relationship drama and even the search for advice or direction, now suddenly got the dreaded, “Fine” response.

Communication is where relationships grow. How in the world am I going to be a good parent, effective listener and “friend”, when needed, if they aren’t talking? Don’t get me wrong. This isn’t an issue of them hiding things from me or disrespect. They are good girls. I’m just not the go-to person anymore. Wah wah waaaahhhh.

I definitely don’t have this thing figured out but I have learned a couple of things and I’d love to hear what you’ve experienced.

Thing that didn’t work for me

• Ask LOTS of questions. This tactic backfired. The more I asked, the less they talked. Ugh!
• When they DO finally speak up, constantly correct their thinking or behaviors.  Not good. Talk about immediate shut down.
• Try to be relevant by becoming informed about popular bands, text language and dance moves etc. Okay, this one is just embarrassing. It was kind of pitiful actually and I’d prefer to not talk about it.

Frustration set in. I missed my girls. We weren’t connecting and now I’ve aliented them.  After a lot of prayer, I was able to do what only I could do. Only I can be mom. Although the bullets above are needed in small doses, what I had to do is trust the foundation that God has laid in them over the last 17 years. I’m available, I listen and I know what’s going on but I am slowly releasing them to make their own choices, celebrating their victories and helping them accept consequences. They are growing because of that and guess what? Our relationships are much more rich. The depth is evolving and we love it.

What is 1 tactic you have tried when your kids stopped talking?

Sandpoint Idaho is a really cool town. Lots of people agree, so much so that it’s commonly ranked in the top ten national categories for small towns to live in. Beautiful, clean, quiet…it’s nestled in a northern Idaho valley with a large beautiful fresh water lake and mountain peaks on three sides, it offers all kinds of activities, skiing, shopping, great food, hunting, hiking etc… a genuine four season outdoor paradise. We didnt’ see much of that, but we did see a glimmer of the sun the next morning and it was a welcome sight…

Sandpoint ID, Jan 2012 – Lakeside Sunrise

Focused on exploring Idaho, we had been so distracted by the snowstorm the night before we hadn’t given much thought to today’s travel plans… after a moment of map reading it was clear that Idaho was not a state with an abundance of roads. The center of the state was mountain and wilderness with very little in the way of pavement, and what was there seemed closed in the winter. That left us with only a few options… since Brian was sticking with his decision to have me call the ball on this roadtrip, I decided to “feel my way” again and head east into Montana before circling south and west again when we could.

So we hopped in our snow, dirt and ice encrusted Ford Edge and headed east on US Hwy 200, en route to Missoula MT and Hwy 93… a road that would turn out to be worth all of the delays and bad weather and disappointing efforts to discover sunshine and beauty. But first… we had some driving to do. It took most of the day and a lot of gray but dry weather before we finally were able to navigate back west. Four hundred miles and nine hours later we were pulling into Salmon, ID and found a hidden valley at the end of our afternoon full of sunshine and endless snow-capped peaks.

Hwy 93 – outside of Salmon,

 Sunlight was gloriously streaming across the valley floor and crystal blue sky was everywhere above… we had found it! For the first time on our trip we had found some unrestrained and colorful mountain beauty breaking across the grey barriers for us to enjoy! It was spectacular, and refreshing and so nice after so many days of driving in the grey… and as it turned out, sort of short-lived.

Within two hours of entering Salmon, ID… we lost the mountain vista’s as a familiar dark strangling line of low hanging snow clouds moved in front of us out of the west directly in our path. We were approaching Sun Valley (ironically) and had only a hundred miles to go when the snow storm hit. Within forty-five minutes we were once again driving in unplowed mountain roads, twisty across ice and snow and sleet and it was dark. Deja Vu from the night before.

I uttered the simple request out loud of how nice it would be to just find a hotel out here so we could crash and avoid the long drawn out drive to Sun Valley in another pitch black snowstorm. (sure to take 3 more hours) Almost immediately out of the snow wall we were driving into… a few slight lights glowed and winked off and on as the waves of snow waxed and waned. I was scared to get my hopes up, but what if it was a hotel? Five minutes later were checking into a newly refurbished isolated hotel with a small restaurant and grocery gas store out in the middle of NOWHERE, Idaho. (actual town name is Stanley, ID) Thank You God!

Brian and I were hopeful after the storm passed, that we would have a chance at some clear skies and starlight as only can be seen way out in the wilderness, the desert or at sea. After a meal of sandwiches and fries we drove five minutes out-of-town on a back road to see the sky as the storm was slowing in intensity. Alas, it was still overcast and occasionaly spitting out some heavy bouts of snow flurries…So we crashed in our miracle hotel room after noting our good fortune at finding the only motel for a hundred miles and at just the right time. Huge coincidence? Nah… it was favor from God. As if He knew that were tired and worn out from the drive and needed to just rest.

Our "miracle" hotel in Stanley, ID

Lesson learned in part from Day six… God always shows up for us, when we need it the most. It may feel like He’s absent or unaware of our urgent and ongoing crisis’ of faith, family and hope… but He is not. I promise that when you’re at the very end of your own strength and courage and determination to go any further on your current course… He will send sunshine and blue sky or arrange for a perfect night of rest and recuperation, at your most desperate hour.

Day six was physically exhausting, over twelve hours on the road, major changes in terrain and weather, but we were reminded… to get to your destination as a parent, sometimes You just have to push on and press forward until that break in the clouds is visible, regardless of what it “looks like” or “feels like” in-between.

Tomorrow morning would be a thursday and the beginning of our seventh and last day, and as it turned out… was by far and away our very best day on this roadtrip. As usual…God was speaking to us and we were getting some valuable insights for what lay ahead in 2012 and we were grateful for the time to reflect and project what God was up to in our lives and in the lives of those we loved. 

Peace out, RTP readers.

brad.

Tagged: Brian Hardin, Christian parenting, faith and family, Idaho, Mountains, roadtrip, Salmon ID, Stanley ID, Winter Road Trip

The morning of our last day broke slowly with low dark snow clouds, poor visibility and a fresh five inches of blowing and drifting snow on the road. Following a bright orange state snow plow out of Stanley, ID we were fortunate to make it over the Galena Summit pass (8700 feet) on Hwy 75 as  it twisted its way up and down the mountain sides of the Sawtooth National Forest into Sun Valley. Not an easy road to travel in any condition, it was especially treacherous now. Traffic however was light…

Sunrise on the road to Sun Valley

We knew the views and the majesty of Sun Valley Idaho must be epic… given the rich ski history and popularity of the area for winter and summer tourism, but we had to take that on faith as our view was confined to a block or two of retro styled retail buildings and trendy condo’s -ranch estates blanketed with a fresh layer of powdered snow. Perfect for skiers, it was not so great for roadtripping and photography hounds like us. We pulled into a McDonald’s for some fresh coffee and breakfast as we pondered our options for the last day.

Again, Brian smugly and stubbornly insisted it was “up to me bro…since you forced me to make all the decisions last year”. Irritated I didn’t reply…Sipping my marvelously hot coffee and taking large bites out of my breakfast burrito. I was frustrated and weary of  the seemingly endless grey atmosphere we had suffered under for most of this trip… Iwas tired of the cold rain, the damp clinging fog, relentless snow and the ever-present oppressive sense of blah… of no color, of life on dull.

I had really been excited, hopeful this trip would refresh and renew and inspire me and us for the next eleven months of parenting, ministry and work. So far it had revealed some glimpses of encouragement and confirmation, but nothing truly “Epic” or “Awe inspiring”. As I got a refill of my McCafe… I felt like maybe… we should attempt to re-trace our steps today. To link back east and follow a scenic byway on Hwy 20 past Craters of the Moon National Monument and head North on Hwy 93 again back to Montana. It showed on our map that this route would essentially force us to totally retrace our steps back the way we had come the day before. Given the brief glimpses of  Idaho mountain glory we had enjoyed outside of Salmon ID, we were hungry for more.

It would be a LONG haul for sure. It was way back to Sandpoint ID and Spokane WA (where our Southwest flight would leave from) from here, and the obvious route was to drive due north up interstate 84 to Boise and then to Spokane directly and just be done with this trip. Maybe it was time to concede the point that the sunshine was elsewhere for the duration and although not epic, this trip was fun and it’s always great to just spend a week with my best friend and comrade on the road away from the grind of life… but something deeper was nagging at me… at us. Calling to us to risk to dare to believe… to try one more time. So we did.

Heading east on Hwy 20 was like entering the “twilight zone” in black and white… I could almost see Rod Serling waiting on the roadside in the desolate setting, ready to tell us a creepy story while the fog swirled around and hid us from view. CREEPY. Fog was thick, like soup as we drove in several inches of wet and soppy snow that caused our Edge to slip and slide all over the two lane as we headed back into the past.

Twenty minutes into this grand gamble, I felt like an idiot. Here we were driving an extra four hundred miles out of our way on the last day of our “restful roadtrip” in the vain hope to find sunlight where forecasters and common sense could easily explain there “was none” to be found. I muttered under my breath a half serious, half-joking prayer…. “God, it would be nice if you could just part this fog and open up a little patch of blue sky and sunshine for our last day“…

Our Prayer Answered

Within thirty seconds, the most amazing thing happened… it got darker. The fog went from bad, to almost impenetrable. Slowing the car to 25 mph I had to drop the high beams to low to see the road and once again we were totally surrounded by a most familiar grey and ghostly world. I muttered something cynical about how “that prayer didn’t get very far“… when Brian pointed forward through the windshield to a small piece of blue sky starting to grow in the immediate horizon.

NO freaking way! I felt like a 90 year old Sarah being told she was going to have a baby!

But it was there, clear blue sky and sunshine and it followed us through the entire morning and well into the day! Like a personal escort of good cheer and beauty, the only patch of dry sky and clarity in the entire state it seemed, went ahead of and behind us in a five-mile swath of color and beauty. It followed us up the Craters to Peak Scenic Byway (hwy 20 and 93) and it followed us into Salmon ID (Where Sacajawea was born and Lewis and Clark journeyed) it followed us into Montana and over three mountain passes and into one amazing river valley after another, brushed with ice and sand and snow. It escorted us into pristine alpine forests and cleared the air as keenly as crystal, it kept our roads clear and forced back storm after storm all day. It became like a beacon of courage for us, when after the fifth or sixth super intense snow squall / sleet storm hit us … Brian confidently predicted… “don’t worry bro, this too will soon fade . The sun and clear skies will be back in five minutes, these storms have no power over us today.” (my paraphrase of course:)

Breaking through the Storm – Hwy 93 in Idaho

Laughing we made our way from one picturesque vista to another, winding our way over the very same territory we had just wandered aimlessly in the day before. God had come through.. God had cleared the way for us, it was obvious that something supernatural was around us and with us as we literally felt like we were crossing the Red Sea or something. It seemed that God had parted the way through the darkness and gloom of our circumstances and brough the light and clarity of God’s presence with us wherever we went.

That’s as beautiful of a picture as I could ever hope to describe…. It bookended our trip in a way that was immensely encouraging and practical. 2012 it seems will be a year of struggle, of going forward through the storms of our lives, persisting when the rain and the clouds and skies won’t part for long periods and seasons of dull will persist. But God has promised, the sunshine is coming and the road although familiar to us, will be seen in a brand new light. We just have to persist in staying on the course we know He’s asked us to travel…

Peace out dear families. Carry on and keep on. God will be there each mile marker along the way.

Brad.

Tagged: 2012, brad mathias, Brian Hardin, Family and Faith, McDonalds, parenting, Salmon ID, Scenic Byway, Sun Valley ID, Winter Road Trip