Road Trip Parenting

Our firstborn is graduating High School in a week.

My mom and my wife, my in-laws and my college twin nieces are all going to lose it.

I will stay strong… (not)

Inside, I will be a pile of mush… Jessica is my eighteen year old graduating from a time-honored institution of learning known as High School…she cruised through it. Graduating with straight A’s, NHS Honors, scholarships and awards, I’m really proud of her. REALLY PROUD. But not just because of what’s she’s accomplished or that she’s smart. 

I’m proud because of who she has become! Jessica is a strong, hard-working and resourceful young woman. Her head sits mostly straight on her shoulders She is ready for the next stage of her life. She is ready to launch out into the deep and swim on her own. I have no fear about her being ready for college.

I’m proud because she has learned to work when no one notices, to be diligent when she didn’t feel like it…to listen,trust and follow God when her emotions told her to take charge herself and hurry things up. I have no fear about her faith.

I’m proud because she has a solid and beautiful understanding of how unique and irreplaceable she is as a woman, from her appearance to her purpose, she has accepted and even learned to love herself…just as she was created. I have no fear about her perspective on life and God’s plan for her in it.

I am terrified that she is leaving home… and will never need us again. I am scared to death that she has grown up so much that her parents will be a historical reference she uses only in past tense conversations with her new-found intellectual friends.  

But I am so grateful for the chance we had to be in her life… to love her and guide her and encourage her along the last eighteen years. I am so excited to watch now from a distance as she learns to not only walk into her life, but to RUN into the future. Nothing could be more twisted up inside of me as to accept that it’s her time to grow a bit more, move a bit further and become a whole bunch more than ever before…and that it will likely all occur somewhere far away from our home.

I guess that’s the pride and the pain of parenting… the reason parents have lots of tears and fears for their kids on graduation day.

So glad we learned to trust God for her as little one…

So glad her mom and I can trust Him all over again today…

We Love you Jessica Elaine… (sniff), going to miss seeing you everyday. But we are so excited to find out what comes next…. from your  “can’t be prouder and happier”  Padre and Mother :)

Parents… as I consider how it’s going to feel sitting next to my tear soaked and eye dabbing family members at graduation… I’m urging you, please – please – please – make the time, live well and wisely with your young ones!

Above all…take time to listen to God as He nudges you to be careful, go slow, speed up, stay firm, relax, or use a more gentle touch from time to time with your kids. There is NO formula, only your heart and theirs. Ask  and Listen often for God to show you and your spouse the best way to parent YOUR kids.

Psalm 16: 5- 11 (ESV) Bible Gateway.com

5 The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
⁶ The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

⁷ I bless the Lord who gives me counsel;
in the night also my heart instructs me.
⁸ I have set the Lord always before me;
because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

⁹ Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
my flesh also dwells secure.

¹¹ You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

In the end I choose to cling to the Word of God, Psalm 16 is one my favorite parenting passages in the entire bible…from diapers to diploma’s, rest assured…God’s got your back and a whole lot more!

Peace Out on Graduation Week from RTP !

Brad.

PS – Jessica… I’m super-stoked to start our June RoadTrip from Seattle WA to San Fransico CA ! WooooHOOO

Tagged: brad mathias, Christian parenting, faith and family, Graduation, High School Seniors, Jessica Mathias, Proud Parents, roadtrip parenting

Parenting sometimes overwhelms me. So much stuff is changing, life evolving within and without all the time…kids become pre-teens, teens start to drive… teens who drive start to date… It’s enough to wig you out if you’re not careful. It’s enough to cause you to feel so inadequate you might be tempted to throw your hands up and just let life happen… “what will be…will be”!

http://goodlifezen.com/

But, after a good nights sleep and refreshment in the scriptures, a bit of commuter-time prayer and suddenly the clouds part and I can start to see blue sky peeking through. I’m reminded of the truth in all of this turbulence, the facts as they were…. such as the reassuring reminder that God isn’t taunting us.

 He’s not placing us specifically in the role of parent, protector, mentor and friend to our kids, only to absently walk away and from a safe distance, sheepishly grin to Himself as we drive everyone in our family right off a proverbial life cliff, frantically swerving and braking all the way to avoid the oncoming life issues directly in lane ahead….

One of my temptations is to look only at what I don’t have… to focus exclusively on the things in my life that are not going well, that are not progressing as I would like them to. As a parent, I do the same dang exact thing with my kids… I look for their weaknesses, their flaws…their inconsistencies. Initially I don’t feel I’m being harsh or negative, just “pragmatic”, focusing on the things that we all could strive to “improve on”. Sound familiar?

Still not sure what I’m talking about… here’s a quick check to see if this is you. Are most of the real talks you have with your kids a sermon-like narrative of another very important  – “Life Lesson”?  If your kids and spouse say yes… then it’s time to CHILL. (you’re vote doesn’t count)

 It boils down to this soul-searching question. Are we searching more for what we have missed with our kids than what can be found. Obsessing over the lingering doubts of there being something unknown in our kids lives, something we missed. A threat, that’s dormant and undiscovered, aggravating & undefinable…a possibility that life MIGHT go wrong for them? Some nebulous problem we’re determined to prevent, even if it exhausts us or in the end…never actually existed at all?

http://islandperspective.com/

I’m done running harder and sleeping less. It’s time to shift my gears and start looking at what is right in front of me, today. I’m ignoring the stuff in the past, and I’m not fixating on some fantasy dream of what the future should be. NOPE, I’m stopping to smell the roses right now, slowing it down to remember how precious it all is in the here and now.

The bible says it this way…  

(The Message- Bible Gateway.com) Matthew 11: ^28-30“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Maybe some of us have long ago learned and applied this truth…maybe some of you have a great story or testimony of how God helped you overcome the feelings of being inadequate as a parent, of learning to rest in your best and trust in God’s grace? Or maybe it’s like many life truths… it comes around in waves and cycles with ever-deepening intensity and understanding as we navigate each season of living it out.

How do you as a parent; focus on the what you have and let go of the what you have not’s in life?

Love you guys, Peace out – RTP !

brad.

Tagged: brad mathias, Christian parenting, Coping with stressful kids, Exhausted parents, faith and family, frustrated parents, Life Changes and Parenting, Matthew 11, Road Trip Parenting

I’m at home…anxiously watching my three kids verbally chew into each other without a moments hesitation…simple conversations becoming complex multi-faceted examples of modern pschological warfare, right in my kitchen! No blood spatters yet, but the wounds are deep and just as painful as if they had been inflicted with a fully automated m-16 and some grenades!

www.sheknows.com

Enough raw carnage to make a parent sick… where do they learn to battle and wound each other like that?

Who teaches our kids to attack first and ask questions later? I mean who models this kind of verbal warfare, who makes it seem like a good idea to rip into each other with put-downs and cricisms’ 24/7/365? I’m thinking somewhere at the top of my hit list should be… cynical and irresponsible teachers, modern-day TV sitcom screenwriters… hardcore religious & legalistic preachers…bitter old people? It’s clear that someone out there is messing up my kids and by God I’m going to get to the bottom of it and find me some answers… it’s seriously time to stop this nonsense!

Sound familiar?

Yeah… me too.

I am loosely describing one of a hundred experiences over the past five years with my three teenagers. They learn to bite and nip and gnaw at each other like it’s their first language. Their immediate knee-jerk reaction to look for the flaws in each other, to hold grudges and keep track of failures, disappointments and broken promises. They fall into a pattern of looking for ways to painfully remind the others of past compromises and weaknesses of character…and they have no clue what they are doing.

Nope, they just mimic what they see…no real thought goes into it…they just live out what they observe…

Oh SNAP!

Yesirreebob, those kids are OUR KIDS.

If your finding yourself defusing more emotional bombs than Dr. Phil…it may be time to take a personal inventory of our own attitudes and habits. It may be that we parents are the ones who need to re-tune our hearts to move from a critical focus and a complaining spirit… to a complimentary one.

exploration.grc.nasa.gov

Training kids up in “The Way They Should Go” is not rocket science… its real life.

Learning as we go, let’s be careful to model behavior at home that encourages more than it corrects, that loves more  and serves more than it demands of others… it’s the way we want them to go… right?

Peace out, RTP families!

Today’s blog is submitted with genuine humility and personal conviction…apparently this is something I have to work on, so i’m sharing it with you too

brad.

Tagged: brad mathias, Christianity, Compliments, Critical thinking, Dr. Phil, faith and family, parenting, Road Trip Parenting, Rocketscience, teenagers

Had a great service yesterday…celebrating mom’s and handing out beautiful roses, remembering how special each mother was and is at church, then everyone piles into cars to chase a superfat lunch  

Later we exchange  lots of sweet and thoughtful gifts and cards, saying something like “Mom, you’re so amazing, so special, I Love you” etc..  it’s traditional to take a day to remember all that mom’s mean and are and do for us…a wonderful day, one to cherish and observe…

But what about the next day? When a gray and rainy morning arrives and the reality check occurs; you’ve awakened to Mothers day + 1 ! Looking for a cup of coffee…you stumble into the kitchen to discover the dishes are not magically gone, laundry is still spilling precariously out of the fourth plastic clothes basket in the hallway, and your kids have decided to start a minor civil war in the upstairs bathroom!

No matter how hard you look…the mother’s day fairy has completely  disappeared and the real stuff of family life has returned…only this time with a bit of a vengeance. The UP of Sunday is replaced by the DOWN of just another normal Monday.  (SIGH…)

Hang on MOM!

God NOTICES… He see’s the faithfulness of your love, the relentless desire to raise your kids the “right” way. To get up day after day and make lunches, clean your kitchens and make sure the kids have clean underwear… your heart is not un-noticed. He see’s you’re “before there were kids” dreams, your early hopes of creating a truly unique and amazing life… He remembers and cherish’s your hearts deepest desire…He cares.

I Samuel 1-2 shares the story of an Epic mom by the name of Hannah. Her testimony of injustice, despair and frustration at being a mom and a mother are timeless…they can resonate forward 3,000 years and remind us all of the power of prayer, the hope of God’s touch and the amazingly intimate sensitivity that God has for the heart of a woman.

(I Samuel 2: 1- 10 MSG)

“Hannah prayed: I’m bursting with God-news! I’m walking on air.
I’m laughing at my rivals. I’m dancing my salvation. ^2-5 Nothing and no one is holy like God,
no rock mountain like our God….For God knows what’s going on.
He takes the measure of everything that happens.
The weapons of the strong are smashed to pieces,
while the weak are infused with fresh strength.
The well-fed are out begging in the streets for crusts,
while the hungry are getting second helpings.
The barren woman has a houseful of children,
while the mother of many is bereft.
^6-10 God brings death and God brings life,
brings down to the grave and raises up.
God brings poverty and God brings wealth;
he lowers, he also lifts up.
He puts poor people on their feet again;
he rekindles burned-out lives with fresh hope,
Restoring dignity and respect to their lives—
a place in the sun! (courtesy of Biblegateway)

So… if your feeling a bit overwhelmed by the burdens of mom-hood and your one day a year buzz is fading… read a bit in the bible today. I Samuel 1-2 would be awesome… find out for yourself about Hannah and her story, read her song. She struggled, she trusted and God overcame… in exchange, Hannah surrended her gift to God and a nation was changed, a entire people group re-directed from chaos to Kingdom. Hannah’s answer was a son… Samuel (God Heard me) who annointed David to be King of Israel.

Hannah, was challenged to keep going one more day…serving once more without any sign that God was out there, that God even noticed her… but she tried one more time to pray, to ask… and poured her entire heart out to Him.. she allowed God to gently touch her brokenness and trusted only Him to make it whole… and from that simple act of complete and utter trust… God touched her back and saved a nation.

God Notices your prayer!

It’s EPIC example of the power of faith and surrender and the mercy and grace of God! Blessings to all of you mothers, wherever you are… never ever doubt… GOD DOES NOTICE YOU!

RTP -

Tagged: brad mathias, Christian parenting, faith and family, Frustrated mothers, Mothers day, parenting, Praying for kids, Road Trip Parenting

All Men Die; Few Men Ever Really LIVE

“The most dangerous man on earth is the man who has reckoned with his own death. All men die; few men ever really live. Sure, you can create a safe life for yourself . . . and end your days in a rest home babbling on about some forgotten misfortune. I’d rather go down swinging. Besides, the less we are trying to “save ourselves,” the more effective a warrior we will be. Listen to G. K. Chesterton on courage:

healingleaf.wordpress.com – pic credit

Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live taking the form of a readiness to die. “He that will lose his life, the same shall save it” is not a piece of mysticism for saints and heroes. It is a piece of everyday advice for sailors or mountaineers. It might be printed in an Alpine guide or a drill book. The paradox is the whole principle of courage; even of quite earthly or quite brutal courage. A man cut off by the sea may save his life if he will risk it on the precipice. He can only get away from death by continually stepping within an inch of it. A soldier surrounded by enemies, if he is to cut his way out, needs to combine a strong desire for living with a strange carelessness about dying. He must not merely cling to life, for then he will be a coward, and will not escape. He must not merely wait for death, for then he will be a suicide, and will not escape. He must seek his life in a spirit of furious indifference to it; he must desire life-like water and yet drink death like wine.” 

(Wild at Heart , 169)

(above is a repost by RTP of a daily email devotional from Ransomed Heart Ministries in Colorado Springs, CO)  

For more information on the amazing ministry of John Eldridge and his regular Rocky Mountain Bootcamp retreats, blogs, books and resources for men and leaders, please check out their amazing and life changing stuff HERE. 

John Eldredge

————————————————————————————

I love the message of Eldridge, his books, his retreats, and his life story…all point us to the recovery of the true self  and the understanding of the role God has given us to play in OUR STORY. A recovery of the life God created us to live. Men, we need to wake ourselves and get up, learn to live, learn to fight and learn to defend what God has given so freely for us and our families.

If you find yourself really struggling with lifelessness…things like; apathy, fatigue, cynicism and a growing anger or frustration with your life, your wife, your church and your career… you may just need to take a moment to reset.

If you think it’s time for a RESET, I would encourage you to consider checking out “Wild at Heart” one of John’s first books and consider booking a trip to visit his Bootcamp at a Ransomed Heart weekend mens retreat. I have personally been radically changed by this ministry and believe the entire organization to be healthy and trustworthy for you to seriously consider. At the very least… purchase a book – read the book, attend a boot camp – lean into Jesus… and come alive with a band of brothers that you never knew before!

I DARE YOU!

Peace out RTP,

brad (Disclaimer for readers… RoadTrip Parenting does not receive a dime of compensation or commission from RHM )

Tagged: band of brothers, bootcamp, brad mathias, Courage, Faith and Men, Fear, G K Chesterton, John Eldridge, Learning to Live, Ransomed Heart Ministries, Road Trip Parenting, Zombified

SO I’m having lunch with a group of long time Christian radio industry dudes, at a questionably healthy mexican joint named “Nacho’s” in Franklin TN. These men will need to remain anonymous as it’s not within the general policy of the universal ”man-code” to nark on your bro’s to the women…. but here goes.

Note the migration of the buttocks to the belly button

All of us are well over thirty… how much so will remain a mystery. All of us have varying degrees of manly decline, some of us are softer than others, rounder than others and generally less than we may have once been in the gym. Suffice it to say, we’re middle-age dad’s… and the discussion migrated to the summer heat and  unusual level of humidity this year. I made the innocent comment that I recently found myself avoiding the beach and visits to the pool these days.. in a serious effort to keep my shirt on in public at all costs. This was met with a hail of manly solidarity from my fellow chip dipping salsa bro’s.

A discussion ensued in which each of us shared various stories of our own issues with finding modified bathing attire and our newly discovered modesty in middle age. It seems that we all had noticed a certain movement of our muscles from the chest to our guts and our butts to our belly buttons … something we’re not terribly proud of, but nonetheless true. Now given the weather had turned to HOT, our uni-sex pull over fleece one piece – hide all our fat-  draping attire wasn’t going to work much longer and the need for tighter fitting polo’s and tee’s were suddenly a concern.

The hip- slick tuck in the front of your shirt behind your large belt buckle look… no longer had much fashion appeal to us and it seemed the darkest – deepest despair was always right before we had to make a belly bulge reveal, usually occurring around swimming or public water recreation… the dull dread of a chance meeting with someone you knew well from church or the neighborhood. The shame of them seeing you hanging out by the side of the pool in three foot deep area that lamely covered your white stick legs while your superbly inflated life raft of a belly bobbed at the water line for all to see and admire… SHUDDER

We discussed the variety of ways to cover one’s growing mid-riff when one of the brothers, shared he had worn a tee-shirt to bed for six months after he first got married (NO WAY !!!) , to save his wife the grief of seeing his over-developed table muscle. Which after he said it, the supportive man club… roundly applauded this poor man for his transparency and honesty, then snickering to ourselves.. we all quietly decided it was time to move this conversation along. What’s my point?

We change, we age, we decline… but at a pace that we can largely determine.

Marriage, fatherhood and middle age are potent mixes of all kinds of pressure for men. We find ourselves often caught with the mind of a 20-year-old and the knees of a 50-year-old and the aches and pains and Advil bottle in our car to prove it. What happened to us? When did our studly vigor start to go south…and why? 

Middle Age Hipster

The answer is not just a medical one, low hormones, reduced metabolism, increased dietary intake and reduced activity all make up the answers. Throw in heredity and environment, self-esteem and job stability and you’ve got a hundred reasons in a heartbeat. The reality is this… we take great pains to try to stay the same, when in reality we’re not going to succeed. We’re going to change, the body is going to fail us eventually and we are going to have to adapt our actions accordingly.

1- We can stoically accept it and continue to passively eat, drink and sleep our way to an early grave, with lots of extra long t-shirts and elastic waist band pants, or..

2- We can step back and look closely at the life we have and modify it for the better. Choose to eat less, walk more and go to the pool with our kids, if for no other reason than to share that day with them without too much shame and distraction. No we are not going to be 20 something again, but we can be a healthy 40…something

Guys, don’t forget to take care of yourselves, life is precious. It’s fleeting and it’s ours for the living… but passivity and avoidance are choices too. Skip the second helping… sweet potatoes are your friend, fried is a “four” letter word for your wardrobe and diabetes’ is a real thing.  Our wives, our kids and our communities of faith are counting on us to love ourselves as much as we try to love them… they need us to be here when it really counts. Let’s do our best to push back from the table and walk with our ladies around the block at night, you might just find you feel a whole lot better and your bride might just think you look a heck of lot more… uhmm- “Nice”

No great spiritual insight here, just a lighthearted reminder to myself and my Nacho eating compadre’s to work a bit harder this summer to return to our shirtless days and parent on with a bit less under the hood !

Peace out, RTP.

brad.

Tagged: Battle of the bulge, brad mathias, Dads, Exercise, faith and family, fathers, Men’s Health, Middle age, Middle Age health, Weight Loss

Oh the rush of a serious infatuation, sigh… the full-blown magnificent high that seems to only exist in the early days of another instant attraction ! That “one in a million“ personal connection to someone else!  Remember how intense your emotional high was? How deeply it moved into your heart, re-wiring your mind and… well, maybe caused you to go crazy for a while?

Some of us may have pushed caution to the side and  rushed headlong into that sensational blast of instant attraction many times in our past, or possibly right now! We are tempted to jump with abandon off the cliffs of reason to chase wildly after a whirlwind courtship that ended or will end soon after, leaving us dazed and disoriented from a hangover of confused emotions, broken promises and dashed dreams.

Remember?

It hurts, it embarrasses us…even pains us to think of our relational mistakes, our horror stories of lost love and rejection… we chew our lips nervously, wondering how it was that we could have acted so foolishly, rejecting basic reason and the wise advice of those who love us… in exchange for the instant rush of immediate and intense pleasure, revving us up like some kind of emotional crack.

pic – courtesy of awarenessoftheheart.com

Why do some of us still battle this pattern of life, condemned to run in a cycle of hope, euphoria and despair? I’m not a licensed psychologist, so my thoughts are purely personal, but they reflect the experiences of pastoring, parenting and 20 years of marriage and by God’s grace, could be helpful.

I believe the battle for intimacy is rooted in our Identities. Yes, our basic understanding of who we are, why we are here…

1) If we believe we are simply survivors on the battlefield of life, we look desperately for the next foxhole to jump into and take cover. We move desperately from one relationship to the next… hoping it will last longer than the one you just got out of. This by its very nature is intense living, intimacy is a long lost dream that can never be found here.

2) If we believe we are basically bad… then we’re criminally guilty and condemned to live out a life of penance. We may wander in a series of pre-determined, expected and monotonous life moments to preserve our cultural Christian identities… we stick our marriages out, but never grow in our relationships. We’re stuck,  trapped in our decision to marry. Eventually we become so desperate to find an “escape” , a place to run to and leave our empty world behind that we relentlessly crave the greener grass somewhere else and feel guilty and excited at the same time. This drives the world of infidelity… creating pressure and frustration so deep it eventually decieves us into thinking someone or something else would satisfy…would put color back into our lives. This must have intensity to exist… intimacy cannot.

3) If we believe that God has created us to be unique and vital expressions of life, then we will move in directions that reflect our true self, our purpose will direct our actions… slowing the need to escape or survive long enough to actually navigate our lives with intentionality, with direction… with confidence. This creates a foundation for intimacy to grow from, even better… it doesn’t require intensity to exist, it’s stronger than that!

It’s this third option of identification that I believe will save the day for those of us who find a growing addiction to intensity.  The intense relationships, the intense hobbies, the intense goals we crave, give us a brief sense of purpose, a false sense of identity and a  momentary sense of excitement that can only exist for short bursts… it’s like a narcotic, euphoric and beautiful for a short period, but quickly fades to black in time. To continue to “FEEL”  we chase it more and more, over and over until we can’t stop the urge to take another hit, another rush… except it leaves its scars within our hearts, not our kidneys, liver or  brain.

Our world feeds this need into us, demanding that we do more, experience more, buy more, sell more, eat more, smell more, have sex more, travel more, get more stuff… it hounds us to run with the wild and happy ones, sucking the marrow out of life until we are no more. If that’s all we truly have, if our basic identities are only stuck on option one or two above…this may become a tempting offer.

My encouragement to us all is this… PULL BACK, move back, further away from the edge of the INTENSE and consider the path of  true Intimacy… yes it’s a slower, calmer way. It lacks the rush of new and exciting emotions and pleasures, but it offers something much deeper, something much truer than simple momentary ecstasy. It promises… stability, strength and peace…and ironically, delivers to us a much more expansive pleasure and purpose than any “intense” momentary excitement could conceive of.

We need to stop… pause and remember the reality of true intimacy… in our marriages, in our homes and in our world. It takes TIME to grow into intimacy, not something that can be rushed… it’s a slow burn, but once it’s lit… it won’t easily go out. As still water runs deep, so our lives will reflect the maturity of our identity and as we mature so will our capacity for being real, for trusting completely…for being intimate.

pic – courtesy of – ocawonder.com

We would do well to consider the truth of our faith and family, of the promise of God to meet all of our hearts desires, to satisfy our longing souls with goodness. Our creator is the ONLY one who knows us the way we crave for others to appreciate…. quit looking for perfection, for eternity  in any one other than the creator of your soul. They simply don’t exist… not like Hollywood portrays them…instead, look for a faithful authentic helpmate who has discovered their source of love and purpose and peace outside of the intense and has a real capacity to be intimate with their faith and savior… Wait patiently for God to direct your path forward, into someone who is prepared and ready to share and be shared. That’s the stuff of real life.

Our kids need to know their parents are more mature than they are… our kids need to see that we are wise and confident in our identities, growing and gaining in intimacy, fearlessly living out lives… Remember the truth of the bible, read it, trust it… watch it grow in your life. Like this amazing passage in Proverbs chapter 3: 1-8 … English Standard Version (ESV) – Source:  Biblegateway.com

Tagged: brad mathias, Co-Dependence, faith and family, Intensity, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Proverbs 3, relational addictions, relational psychology, relationships, Road Trip Parenting

By KATHERINE ROSMAN (WSJ article- repost)

Celina McPhail’s mom wouldn’t let her have a Facebook account. The 12-year-old is on Instagram instead.

Her mother, Maria McPhail, agreed to let her download the app onto her iPod Touch, because she thought she was fostering an interest in photography. But Ms. McPhail, of Austin, Texas, has learned that Celina and her friends mostly use the service to post and “like” Photoshopped photo-jokes and text messages they create on another free app called Versagram. When kids can’t get on Facebook, “they’re good at finding ways around that,” she says.

It’s harder than ever to keep an eye on the children. Many parents limit their preteens’ access to well-known sites like Facebook and monitor what their children do online. But with kids constantly seeking new places to connect—preferably, unsupervised by their families—most parents are learning how difficult it is to prevent their kids from interacting with social media.

Children are using technology at ever-younger ages. About 15% of kids under the age of 11 have their own mobile phone, according to eMarketer. The Pew Research Center’s Internet & American Life Project reported last summer that 16% of kids 12 to 17 who are online used Twitter, double the number from two years earlier.

Parents worry about the risks of online predators and bullying, and there are other concerns. Kids are creating permanent public records, and they may encounter excessive or inappropriate advertising. Yet many parents also believe it is in their kids’ interest to be nimble with technology.

As families grapple with how to use social media safely, many marketers are working to create social networks and other interactive applications for kids that parents will approve. Some go even further, seeing themselves as providing a crucial education in online literacy—”training wheels for social media,” as Rebecca Levey of social-media site KidzVuz puts it.

Last week, 20 companies pitched online and mobile products for kids in Pasadena, Calif., at the 6th annual Digital Kids Conference. This summer, Microsoft and Scholastic  will help sponsor the first Digital Family Summit in Philadelphia. Scholastic will preview a new version of Storia, an interactive e-reading application aimed at kids ages 3 to 14. “As kids migrate more to devices, we don’t want to be left out,” says Deborah Forte, president of Scholastic Media.

“Digital media is a great thing for kids; even a 12-year-old can have a personal brand,” says Stephanie Schwab, the founder of the Digital Family convention. Her 3-year-old uses an iPad every day. When Ms. Schwab recently wondered out loud what the weather was like, her son responded, “Ask Siri.”

KidzVuz is a social media start-up aimed at teaching kids how to create content at an early age. Kids create a profile with a handle (say, “GossipGirl”) but no name, and parents have to approve the account. Kids then create video reviews of books, films, food and clothes. There is no private messaging, and comments are actively monitored for nastiness.

The site was launched by two technologically active mothers in New York City. One co-founder, Ms. Levey, says the idea is create a safe place for children to learn how to communicate effectively and politely on a medium that will be key to their social, academic and economic li

Autumn Miller, a 10-year-old, has nearly 6,000 people following her Facebook fanpage postings.

Faith King, a 9-year-old third grader in Red Bank, N.J., says since she starting posting video reviews to KidzVuz, she has learned important lessons of film production. “You need to make sure the lights are on so people can see you,” she says. She also has learned to focus on interesting content. “Don’t review a dictionary,” she advises.

Her mother, Cristie Ritz-King, says her daughter’s love of the site has prompted many conversations about the importance of being skeptical about strangers online and questioning the accuracy of information. She wants her daughter to learn early on to be agile with social media. “It’s never going away,” she says.

Alexa Ashley, 14, is on Instagram.

The University of Southern California’s Annenberg Innovation Lab has created “Playground,” a social platform for school-age students. The idea is for kids to learn how to create Internet content—and to consider the implications of privacy, the permanence of a Web footprint, the basics of brand building and a little about online manners. Educators need to teach Internet literacy at an early age, says Erin Reilly, Playground’s creator. “Kids are always going to find a back door for communication and collaboration,” she says.

Along with established social sites for kids, such as Walt Disney Club Penguin, kids are flocking to newer sites such as FashionPlaytes.com, a meeting place aimed at girls ages 5 to 12 who are interested in designing clothes, and Everloop, a social network for kids under the age of 13. Viddy, a video-sharing site which functions similarly to Instagram, is becoming more popular with kids and teenagers as well.

On KidzVuz, a new social media site, there is no private messaging and comments are actively monitored.

Some kids do join YouTube, Google, Facebook, Tumblr and Twitter, despite policies meant to bar kids under 13. These sites require that users enter their date of birth upon signing up, and they must be at least 13 years old. Apple—which requires an account to download apps like Instagram to an iPhone—has the same requirement. But there is little to bar kids from entering a false date of birth or getting an adult to set up an account. Instagram declined to comment.

“If we learn that someone is not old enough to have a Google account, or we receive a report, we will investigate and take the appropriate action,” says Google spokesman Jay Nancarrow. He adds that “users first have a chance to demonstrate that they meet our age requirements. If they don’t, we will close the account.” Facebook and most other sites have similar policies.

Still, some children establish public identities on social-media networks like YouTube and Facebook with their parents’ permission. Autumn Miller, a 10-year-old from Southern California, has nearly 6,000 people following her Facebook fan-page postings, which include links to videos of her in makeup and costumes, dancing Laker-Girl style.

“Autie’s Freestyle Friday Dance Channel” on YouTube has nearly 13,000 subscribers and hosts 39 videos that have logged in excess of 3.5 million views. (article continues at WSJ )

Where the Kids Are

• KidzVuz. Social-media site where kids create video reviews of books, films, food and clothes.

• Instagram. Photo-sharing app being acquired by Facebook. Some kids worry it will lose its cool.

• Viddy. What Instagram is to photos, Viddy is to video. Tweens say their friends are flocking to it.

• Playground. A site intended to teach kids how to create and be responsible with social media.

• Club Penguin. Disney-owned site with safety controls embedded in its technology. Kids can connect and chat but only type certain words and phrases.

• FashionPlaytes.com. Girls ages 5 to 12 meet here to talk fashion. Site lets them design and order custom-made garments.

Write to Katherine Rosman at katherine.rosman@wsj.com

A version of this article appeared May 2, 2012, on page D1 in some U.S. editions of The Wall Street Journal, with the headline: Tweens’ Secret Lives Online.

——————— (RTP)————————————————– (blog notes below) ———-

So…wow, it’s clear that the digital revolution is creeping into younger and younger territory in our homes. Parents, we need to stay “Up” on the digital and social media trends, sites and patterns that our kids are plugging into…. if we don’t someone else most certainly will. One of the reasons we’re working so hard at iShine to provide a Faith Based alternative to families for online content and social media. To see what we’re up to… (Shameless but rare plug, goto www.ishinelive.com)

Faith Based Online Media for Tweens

Peace Out and be encouraged fellow RTP’s….  remember the words of truth in scripture, as you seek to lead your families forward in faith,

PS – A huge “Thank You” to my mentor, friend and boss…. Tom Johnson for the great “heads up” on this article…

Tagged: Club Penguin, Facebook, faith and family, Fashionplaytes.com, iShine, iShine Live, KATHERINE ROSMAN, Kids online, KidzVuz, Parents and Social Media, Road Trip Parenting, Tweens and Technology, WSJ

Loved this blog so much I’m just reposting a portion of it for RTP and linking it to the original author/post….

“Why childlike imagination is the key to mature faith”…. (repost from Relevant.com and “Don’t Grow Up” article author John Van Sloten – May 2 2012 )

“I have a friend named Lillian. Even though sheʼs in her seventies, sheʼs younger than me. She is so alive and she always seems to be laughing out loud. Every time I talk with her, sheʼs brightly attentive and exudes this wonderfully genuine sense of joie de vivre. She refuses to act her age. When I see her this way, she reminds me of God.

Writer G. K. Chesterton once wrote, “It may be that [God] has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we.”

Our capacity to be amazed and to wonder seems to diminish with age. We donʼt look behind, beyond and beneath things as much; nothing surprises us anymore. Weʼve grown old, and our imaginative vision fades along with our cataract-clouded eyes. This malady, this loss of our childlikeness, is a huge impediment to seeing God in the world. Our lost innocence deadens our senses.

We canʼt go through life as though everything is brand new. But we have to be very careful about how much we think we know. We need to know things, while realizing at the same time that we really donʼt know much at all, and that there is still so much more to learn.

Children are naturals at knowing things this way.

Leaving room for the new and unknown

Children are young enough and still humble enough to realize that what they know isnʼt everything there is to know. Of course, none of us ever really knows that much, relatively speaking, yet we tend to lose touch with this grounding perspective. We lose this healthy humility of childhood. We think we know how God works. Or we think weʼve seen all there is to see of God in life. We go to church, sing a few songs, help at the local soup kitchen, read the Bible once in a while and think we know something. We settle for what we think we know and, by doing so, leave little room for a greater knowing. Maybe itʼs because weʼve never experienced God in ways other than the narrow confines of our own lives.

But what if God is new every day?… post continues on Relevant.com “

———————————————————————————

Mimi today

Closing thoughts from Road Trip Parenting;

Working each day with my 70 something mom is a daily dose of Joy and her inner child is definitely alive and well, so much so that she brings fresh energy and ideas to every situation of life she encounters. She is a genuine delight to be with, and represents the truth of this article to such a degree that I would simply point to her as “proof positive” of this articles main point.

Grandparents out there… its time for you to revert to your childhood and rise up We need you desperately in our lives!

Thank you Mimi for being SO YOUNG, your a blessing to us ALL…

Peace out, RTP

Tagged: brad mathias, Childlike Faith, Christian parenting, Faith, Grandparents, John Van Sloten, Relevant, Relevant Magazine, Road Trip Parenting

Prom was last saturday evening …

Bethany Rose (my 17-year-old) was buzzing, flittering around the house all day saturday… feet just a few inches off the ground. Her dress had been meticulously picked, hair and makeup tastefully prepared and her dazzling rhinestone high-heel sandals carefully ordered. No detail had been overlooked. Prom was here and Bethany was coming alive. Her plans included a dress up dinner with several couples and then a visit to the TPAC (Tennessee Performing Arts Center) to see a CS Lewis play with her date. They both chose to skip the parties and the dances and the strobe lights for something a bit more cerebral, a bit more intimate. Good for them!

Jessica was even more subdued… with only a few weeks of High School left in her life, her view of Prom was more sedate, more contemplative…more elusive. Her plan was to take the time to spend on a picnic with her date, over take out chinese and a viewing of Titanic far removed from the hype and hustle of a flashy prom. Exactly what I expected of her. Practical, simple and romantic to the core.

My wife Paige was doing pretty good, usually calm and laid back… Paige could get a bit stressed with things like this. I could feel her tensing as the moment was drawing closer… “be sure and be back by 3pm she said, that’s when Matthew will be here for pictures… ” as I raced out the door with my 14-year-old son, in search of electronics and saturday guy stuff.. my mind was a bit confused?

Pictures?

Prom pictures…did that mean all dressed up and going out like adults with a boyfriend… kind of pictures? I swallowed hard, but pushed the emotion down a bit as I sped out the door with Caleb. Ohhkay… still puzzled and disturbed a bit by the idea…

I was bluntly caught off guard by the beauty of my daughters when I returned, I was not prepared for the emotional impact of facing the reality that Prom brings… the truth that they were not “little” any longer. Where had the time gone? …  as the moment arrived, it was surreal. I found my mind was thick with confusion, shock and some pride… almost gushing as the young man at the door smiled brilliantly at me when I answered the door… He was standing excitedly with his flower corsage proudly displayed while I was drawn to the perfectly matched blue shade of his dapper bow tie and tuxedo jacket…to compliment my daughters sapphire dress.

Bethany Rose, my munchkinaroo was going to Prom. I numbly let the poor guy in, tried to engage a little small talk, but it was clear, dad was no longer the apple of his little girls eye… I watched as they prepared to go, pictures in the house, pictures out back in the garden, pictures on the way… pictures, pictures and more pictures.

Jessica quietly slipped out a few hours later to meet her young man and head for their sunset picnic and movie. Her beauty and grace evident in her simplicity and presence as she promised to send us a text if they were running late. We were clear in our understanding that this was how she would most love to remember her senior year… not at a dance or a fancy dinner, but with reflection and contemplation on her terms.

I sighed and watched them both go in their unique and special ways… turned to my wife of 20+ years and said… “I love you“. No long discussion, just a intimate and firm hug we shared and the profound presence of real peace in our home… our daughters were all grown up…I was reflecting silently with her about this age and stage of life and how gracious things had turned out for us as a family.

God had blessed us with two very special daughters, both healthy, strong and smart. Capable of embracing life…of influencing others and remaining focused on their faith and their principles and the truth of life beyond the status quo. More than I deserved, more than I could have ever hoped for… more than I had dreamed could be..

It reminded me afresh… God is faithful, in my life, in my family’s life in your life. No matt er how hard or difficult your life has been, no matter the struggle with your kids, your marriage your ministry…The years of  pain and sacrifice and delay to put our marriage and our kids first, to share life with them…to surrender my will for Gods… those were all just distant memories now, the return on the investment the best I’ve ever made.

Prom could have been a disaster, a dangerous, drunken and painful coming of age moment, but for us; Prom was an exclamation point on the power of redemption and hope and grace. Something we may have wondered about when they were both 13 or 14 years of age… when hormones and life and immaturity and circumstances had us almost convinced to withdraw and let the teen years be an emotional hurricane for us to barely survive, not interact with and help shape.

Thank God we didn’t.

Neither should you…

Jude verse 24-25 (ESV) says this… “Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen

Peace out, brad.

Tagged: brad mathias, Christianity, Coming of Age, Dads, Daughters, faith and family, God, parenting, Prom, Road Trip Parenting